For most of my adult life, I’ve been a bridesmaid approximately once a year. In other words, I’ve thrown parties, helped make wedding choices, dealt with other people’s crazy realatives, bought a dress exactly like four other people, and otherwise did my bridesmaid duty of being there and involved.
I myself have never been married so watching the craziness surrounding a wedding is something, I admit, I’ve only witnessed from a safe distance.
If you are planning a wedding, though, here are a few things your bridesmaids might want to say to you but may not feel they can:
For me, your wedding is a wedding.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to be invited but it is not the most important day of my life, so I must act accordingly. If I can’t come to your wedding, it’s not a snub to you, it’s probably just that I can’t afford it or can’t get the time off. If I do come to your wedding and only spend $50 on your gift, it’s not a snub. I probably that’s what I can afford.
In terms of gifts, I might not give something
If I spent a certain amount on your wedding gift, I don’t expect the reciprocal when I’d theoretically get married. Two reasons: 1) I might not ever get married. and 2) We have different financial situations. I promise not to keep track if you don’t.
If you are asking people to buy a dress, give them a ballpark of what you think of as a budget.
A ‘reasonable price’ is a pretty subjective term, especially when it comes to fashion. Please let me know what the ballpark is for the bridesmaid dress if there is one before I sign up. I don’t want to seem like a cheap jerkface for asking but I need to fit the money in somehow. Also please let me know about shoes, having to rent venues for parties, and anything else like that as best you can.
Be a bit flexible.
So you have your heart set on a certain kind of dress, can I pick the style? My shoes? Do my own hair? If you allow a bit of flexibility and I can wear the $3 shoes I got on clearance, I might be more psyched about spending a few hundred dollars on a dress.